getting real

Since 8 months ago I have not stopped running. You would think a woman that was just given the worst news of her life would for chill for a moment after finding out she has lung cancer. I did everything but sit still. I was going  to cure myself, cook up miracle dinners, give even more love and attention to the kids, make a full life for the family so they would remember how great life is.  

So-Paul and I had decided at this time to make things easier on us. Move closer to the city and sell the farm house. We would ultimately be near the city and have less of a commute. 

The race was on for me-sell sell sell. And we did. It took me 6 weeks to sell it, and I will now tell you this. It about killed me.  I was already on spiral downward mess. I was not eating, not taking care of myself and falling apart. I was so sad to sell the home as I had put all my heart and soul into it.

Once the packing began my brain started to go a bit. It was foggy and unstable and I just kept focusing on closing all the boxes, finding a new home in Old Greenwich and to get the kids sorted in their new schools.  About a week before the move something changed. 4 weeks ago.  I became anorexic, I was not able to dress myself and speak clearly. I could not function. I was hospitalized. They ran every test imaginable. Spinal taps. MRI, CT-,bronchoscopy. The tests showed crazy white noise cells all over my brain. It was effecting everything. I stayed in the hospital for a week, as they tried to feed me, and get me out of this hole I was falling into.  It was scary and I was not myself.


I was finally discharged. But not as my old self. Someone else. And in a strangers house.

 Paul and friends moved us in the week I was out of commission, so I give them so much credit for making it happen as doing such a great job.

All my medication has changed.  They updated my cancer meds to another brand which I hear will be better than the first line of treatment I was on. yay on that!

It is going to be a slow slow up hill battle.  Everyday I wake up  and hope I can get though it. I am still having a really hard time with my feet and legs, and a tad with my speech but I am trying hard and will get back to normal soon!!! I am determined to be clear and functioning.  

I had to tell all my amazing clients this Month that I can't work this Fall and that I have to focus on my health right now. I am going to try my hardest over the winter to get back to me and what I love. 

Thank you everyone who has sent me a note, dropped off dinner and checked in. It has given me the boost I need. 


Ps-Today I went to Yale to check in and to go over all the many tests they did. The good news is my cancer is stable now and I alive!!   All the tests came back negative.

CT and MRI scheduled for October 8th.


peace and love-



I have scans on