I think all the time: how the hell did I get lung cancer? I mean, probably not the best direction to go mentally as I should just be going forward and focusing on the positive. But my brain needs life coaching to be fully positive or at least 75 percent more positive. So I had to put some words down. 

So. I will be fully honest here. 

1. I smoked Marlboro reds with the tomboys/boys in 5th grade in my neighborhood. First of all, no parents were ever around like they are now and I really don't think I inhaled. 

2. I went to boarding school. That should say enough right there. And on a mountain. Hello, hippies. So yes. I smoked in high school after class and pot here an there on the weekends. I think I was inhaling then - otherwise kids will bust ya!

3. College in Atlanta. Yes, I smoked socially. 

4. I moved to New York City in 1998. I did not even need to smoke because you could inhale a pack of cigarettes just by grabbing drinks at a bar! Still, I smoked socially outside - talking to the bouncers. I made friends.

5. I did have one boy friend in NYC who was a major smoker. So my social smoking went from 2 ciggies a day to probably 6 but still . . .  way down on the radar for lung cancer. 

6. Radon? So random but apparently there is a lot of it here in CT.

7.  So I thought and thought . . . it was a toss up between the last 2 things. Hmmmmm. So I sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day retouching from the age of 19 to 43 with not great ventilation and for hours and hours. Could the radiation from the computers radiating toward my chest do it?


The World Trade Center!!!! I was there when the towers fell. I, of course, had my 35mm film camera with me. Shooting away. I was there until the last tower fell and then we all ran with the huge smoke ball behind us as we booked it. I had no fear. I keep taking more and more photos. I also lived around 12 blocks from the trade center. They told everyone on the news shut their windows. But I lived in a 5th floor walk up and even thought it was in early September it is hot hot hot. And I am a girl that leaves windows open with a little fan all year round. So great. Is this why? So many people have died from lung cancer from that day. Lung cancer apparently grows very slowly at first and then once it spreads it grows quickly. The stage I am at now. 

Even though this is not helpful I had to type it because so many ask: are you a smoker? 

It really could be just a combo of my entire fun life - that I have had - with no regrets.