The WILL to live......

I wake up every morning thinking-- whats my WILL to live today?  I lie there in bed not able to get up as its winter now and my sheets feel really good and snuggly, and I think, and I think, and I meditate, and then think again.  I start to listen to affirmations to slightly brainwash myself, as I have a (bday next week) -44 years of habits built up in my brain.  The woman speaks to me in my headphones telling me to breathe, and to be thankful for each day, to think positive about everything.  And then 2 minutes after I take the headphones off, I am back to the un- brainwashed lady.  So kind of not really working, but If I keep doing it it WILL SINK IN!!!

SO basically. I need to come up with my own -will to live- thoughts. The only problem is every time I start to think about my own affirmations and wishes I start to cry. UGH....So I figured If I wrote them down -they would make me stronger and I could visit them daily to remind myself when things get hectic. 

These are wishes, affirmations, and little gems of things that bring me joy (no particular order) 

The sounds of wind outside while I am in my warm house.
The morning light and how it trickles in and makes everything look cozy and pretty.
Knowing that Christmas is near and I can decorate the house soon. yay!
A play list on Spotify of all the songs I used to listen to as a kid. (yes olivia nj is in there : )
Taking photographs with backlight in every photo brings me joy. 

ok here we go... the tissues... sorry.... 
when my kids get off the bus and run to me in the best moods and give me the biggest hugs.
when paul comes home from work early and the whole house lights up. He makes everyone laugh. 
when all the kids are in bed with me and we are reading a book together, and there is lots of conversations. 
Arm wrestling my sister and winning for the 3rd time. yes, this made the list.. pure joy.. lol
Having a house full of family on Thanksgiving and watching the kids all play together. 

I get to see the kids go to college.
I get to see my children walk down the aisle at their weddings. 
I get to see my grandchildren alive and happy so I can spoil them all. 

IF you are reading this .. take a deep breath, be thankful, don't sweat the small stuff , and be grateful that you are alive and well.  Be the best you can be and love one another.  


cheers.. minus the drink.. one thing I miss... drinking my wine.. thank you liver : (