Today . . . the day my life changed. The moment you hear the words slowly come out of the Dr.s mouth . . . "You. have. c a n c e r. It is just like you would expect it to be . . . like Charlie Browns teacher. "Wah waaaah waaaaah . . . " Like this large fog of denial that hits you so hard that you can't hear the words. My face dropped. My mouth dropped further down. Um . . . you must be in the wrong room. I am here because they think I have Tuberculosis. The charts must be wrong. No . . . sorry, ma'am (wait I still look young). Yes. It is true. You have a lemon size mass in your lung. It is cancer. The words you never think you will EVER here. EVER. I eat so healthy, I work out at Orange . . . orange and lemons are friends (not fair!). I sleep 8 hours a night. I am a good person . . . craziness!!!
As I sat there in the hospital, the only thing I could think about was my 3 beautiful children at home and my Paul. How the hell are we going to do this? We were just about to put our house on the market, move closer to the city so his commute would be better and now this . . . I guess this is a sign I need to stay here in Easton a bit longer. Focus on me, slow way way down, and just be.
Thank you for reading . . . if you are reading this. It is therapeutic for me. Please excuse any typos as I am a photographer : )